Confession

Might as well get this out now so I don't have to try to be nice about it later....I think the process of  "being" pregnant is gross. I know there are lots of people who say pregnancy is a beautiful, amazing thing-even a miracle. Well, I whole-heartedly disagree with the beautiful part. Several recent events prompted this confession. The first is that I have several (well, more like 6) pregnancy apps that I've added to my phone to get as much info as I can since I really am not starting with much. One of said apps sends you an update at the beginning of each new week.  On Wednesday I received my 5 week update which I unknowingly opened and in addition to information on what the baby is like at 5 weeks and what is happening to me, there were pictures. They were small and I couldn't really tell what they were of, so I clicked on them. Big mistake. I instantly felt like gagging and handed the phone to Brian. "Look at that!!!!" Brian looks at it, is quiet for a minute and then says, "It has a tail."

 I was at Barnes and Noble reading about this whole process and there was an actual story of a woman's labor and I had to put the book back and leave the building before I got sick. Physically ill, I tell you. And today, I'm talking with my friend Sarah, who is due with her first child in September, and she was trying to ease my mind about the "movements" I would be experiencing. Very kind of her to try to do, but as she was talking I had a flashback to a friend who was pregnant and I was looking at her while she was talking and her stomach suddenly bulged and rippled. I was speechless and horrified. "That was an elbow," she said. Does that not seem VERY much like the movie Alien to you? It certainly does to me. I was just waiting for it to burst out of her belly and start looking for something to eat.

I can't explain it but something about the thought of this weird looking creature living inside of me just completely grosses me out. I don't know why. Maybe it was something from a past life. I'm sure (or at least I'm really hoping) these grossed out feelings will ease as I go. But until then, I'll be careful of what I read and what movies I watch.