This Must Be Why You Are Supposed to Wait 3 Months Before You Tell People

Very sad news. My ultrasound today showed nothing in the gestational sac and apparently the doctor saw something that made her concerned enough to tell me that I need a D&C. She said that it could just be a blighted ovum, but it could also be a molar pregnancy. In which case, I need to have a D&C to get everything out and then to a pathologist to be sure that it wasn't a molar pregnancy.  I had never even heard of a molar pregnancy, but apparently instead of an embryo growing, all those cells just turn into a mass. So your body thinks you are pregnant and you have all the signs but there really isn't anything there. You have to get that mass out then because it is slightly possible (according to what I read on the internet under 20% of cases) there may be pre-cancerous cells involved. The doctor didn't want to risk the time it might take for my body to take care of it. So let me be clear (for myself too) that she doesn't know if it is molar or not, but she doesn't want to wait around if it is. I'll have the D&C this week....I'm waiting for the office to call and tell me when it will be.....and then I need a day or two before I'll go to work. After that, the contents go to the pathologist and then they call me with the results. If it is a "normal" miscarriage, then we can try again shortly. If it is a molar pregnancy, we have to wait 6-12 months to try again to be sure all the tissue is out and my hormone levels are fine. At this point, I really don't know more about it and I kind of don't feel like talking about it, so I'll keep you updated via the blog for now. Let's just keep out fingers crossed that it was a normal type of miscarriage.

I Hate Olives

I am cursed. If I were to keep track of all the times I have ordered a pizza and asked for NO olives and then received olives on the pizza, I think about 85% of the time I get the damn olives. At first I thought it might be me. Maybe I wasn't clear about how I said no olives. I would say, "No olives please." And then I would get green olives. So I thought maybe in pizza making world, olives only meant black olives. So I changed my request to, "No black olives and no green olives please." However, I still received green olives, but not black. Maybe they stopped listening after they heard black olives. Another time I said that same thing and they gave me black olives and no green peppers. Definitely a listening problem. So then I changed again. "No olives of any kind. Not black, not green. I don't want any olives." Sigh. Again, green but not black olives. This happened again today. She even repeated my order back to me, "Vegetarian pizza, sub spinach for broccoli, and no olives." Hallelujah. I went picked up the pizza, heard a little voice inside say....check for olives.....but I ignored it, being an eternal optimist, and went on my way. I got to school, opened it up, and there they were. Tons of green olives. Why?!?! What am I supposed to learn from this? I am just supposed to like olives? I don't understand. It doesn't seem hard. And it isn't just one restaurant (although one is notorious for ignoring my no olive request), it happens at several places where I order from. So I've made a decision. I am going to now say to the person taking my order, "I do not want any olives. I am allergic to olives. I can't eat olives of any kind. I will go into anaphylactic shock if I eat olives. I carry an Epi-Pen for emergencies. I may die. Please don't put olives on my pizza." We'll see how that works.

Another Possibility

Maybe I should have just waited patiently for next Monday. Maybe I should have stayed off of the internet. Or maybe what I did was good. What I did do was start researching all sorts of things on the internet related to gestational sacs, 5 week ultrasounds, and other such topics. I was feeling pretty good as I looked at 5 week ultrasound pictures online which looked pretty much just like mine did. I was reading forums where pregnant moms talked about how they didn't see anything til 6 1/2 weeks or how you can have a tilted uterus and you can't see much til it gets bigger. Overall, pretty positive stuff. But then as I was reading I kept coming across the words "blighted ovum". Having no clue what this was, I looked it up. Oh my. It is basically one of the most common reasons for miscarriage. You are pregnant-have a positive test, stop menstruating, get tired, nauseous, and your boobs hurt. However, at a certain point, the embryo just stops growing. And what you are left with is an empty gestational sac. I looked at images......turns out that a blighted ovum and a 5 week ultrasound look strikingly similar. Almost identical in fact.

So I am now preparing myself for the worst come next Monday. The information I read said that the main cause of a blighted ovum is that there was some sort of chromosomal abnormality with the embryo and the body knows it is best to not let it continue. I totally believe in my body and that it makes the best decisions, so if in fact it is a blighted ovum, then (although I will be super disappointed/bummed/crabby/sad/etc) I logically know it was for the best. I am also aware of psychosomatic issues, and having said that, I told Brian today that my boobs don't hurt as much and I don't feel as bloated. Mind over matter? Possibly. Hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.....most definitely. I guess we'll see on Monday.

Actually It's the Size of a Lentil

So I went for my first doctor's appointment yesterday. Brian was off work so he was able to come along. As we were leaving he grabs his book. "You're going to READ during my appointment?" "No, it's for the waiting room." Hmmmm. We get to the office and sign in and wait. "Guess you wish you would have brought something to read." Which at that point I kinda did cause there was nothing to read there, so I proceeded to talk to him so he couldn't read. Terrible, I know. We get called in and there is this weird moment of wondering, "Is it ok for Brian to come in?" We didn't see any other guys going in. So we asked the nurse (who for the record was NOT enjoying her day based on her demeanor) and she said it was fine. She took my blood pressure (which was a bit high for me who normally runs a low 90/70) and weighed me. I did, yet didn't, want to see that number, but turns out they weigh you backwards so I didn't even see what I weighed. Then we headed in to wait for the Nurse Practioner.

Now our friends Kate and Matt had been to this same clinic for their kids, and he warned Brian the past weekend that, "The room is really small. You are just right there while they are doing everything." Very true. She came in let me ask my questions (answers: yes- I do need to eat that much protein, yes-I can still highlight my hair, yes-I can take my Singulair), and then she asked a bunch of health questions and had me sign forms, etc. She was VERY nice. I liked her. Then she had to get down to business. There was the physical exam which due to the size of the room, Brian got to be front and center for. He said he tried not to look but there was really nowhere else TO look, and he was kind of intrigued by the whole process.

Finally came the ultrasound. Up to this point she says everything seems good, I'm a low risk pregnancy. Then she "inserts" the "wand" to see what's happening in my uterus. Well, turns out that the Iphone apps and the doctors office were incorrect on when conception actually happened. I am actually more like 5-6 weeks along, not 8. So when we were looking at the ultrasound screen what we saw was the gestational sac and that was it. Now I have to go back for another ultrasound next Monday to take another look. Hopefully there will be more to see then.

I was pretty disappointed for several reasons. But really, it makes perfect sense. They kept saying you use the date of your last period to tell how far along you are, and I don't get that. You can't be pregnant on the first day of your last period. So according to what we saw yesterday, I must have conceived around July 15th. Brian claims that he knew when I was pregnant.....That day he kept saying how beautiful I looked, like I was glowing. And he even took lots of pictures of me (I was not looking particularly lovely that day let me tell you). But weird huh? We looked back on his camera and it was July 17th that he took the pictures. He's so sensitive. =) So, that's where I'm at. I think I've just started my 6th week, so really it's the size of a lentil. Which then makes me even more sad.....a LENTIL and my pants are tight. Yikes.

If It's the Size of a Kidney Bean, Then Why Don't My Shorts Fit

The scale may not be saying that much is happening (well, okay...a little) but my shorts are telling a different story. Last year, I had some mystery stomach illness that caused me to watch really carefully what I ate, go to the doctor multiple times, and horror of horrors, give up drinking alcohol. Because of my sorry state, I ended up losing around 15 pounds. I used to think that I'd give up drinking if I could lose weight, but that is what someone says who hasn't gone through it. So with the weight loss came new clothes. Now I love clothes and I had accumulated what some may say was a bit of excess in the clothing department, which in my mind just means that I had a great selection of clothes to choose from. I had a really hard time getting rid of the clothes (especially pants) that didn't fit anymore and even had the passing thought of....."Hmmm, maybe I should keep these just in case I ever get pregnant." But no, I got rid of them as we were trying to prepare our house for moving (eventually).

So imagine my dismay when a few days ago I go to put on a pair of BRAND NEW shorts that still had the tags on them and they were just a bit to snug and in no way going to be comfortable for sitting all day in a meeting. This prompted me to try on several more of my newer pairs of shorts/capris and let me tell you those that still feel ok aren't going to last long. I am very sad about this. Very sad. I did keep these clothes as goal clothes. It will be my goal to fit back into them post-baby.

It was right around this time of feeling thick, that I got my weekly update on my phone telling me what stage I was at in my pregnancy. It always gives you something to compare its size to, and it told me that it was the size of a kidney bean. Kidney bean? My shorts don't fit. That equation just doesn't add up. Well, I read on and it said that your uterus has doubled in size. So maybe that's the issue. Either way, the sad, steady downward slide of not fitting into my clothes has begun, and I'm not happy about it.

Peak of the Season

I love harvest time. This is the time of year where my flower garden/front yard is out of control but amazing, the vegetable garden is a chaotic tangle of plants and vines, and my teeny, tiny kitchen is covered in pots, pans, jars, a food processor, and various fruits and vegetables in various stages of being processed. It's a lot of work, but the best kind of work in my opinion.

Yesterday, Brian, Dad, and I went to pick blueberries. Holy cow. I've never seen so many blueberries on these plants. I guess the rainy cool summer was good for them because I think we only picked off of 8 plants and we ended up coming home with 32 pounds of berries!! Excessive, maybe. Awesome, yes. Dad also brought up more veggies from the garden, so today I am married to my kitchen. I have strained the honey from Dad's bees (he brought up some of the comb he froze), made a batch of sauerkraut (hoping this batch turns out better....the first batch didn't get the air it needed and had too much salt), shredded and froze zucchini, cut corn of the cob to freeze, froze some blueberries and will make jam with the rest, and then on to making pickles.

On the pregnancy front, its been a pretty busy last few days and by the end of the day yesterday I was cranky and tired. Three days with no nap makes for a crabby pregnant lady. There was also my first bit of spotting the other day. I guess I'm not too worried about it because it was hardly anything and it was around the time of when I would have had my period anyway. I was reading about it online, and the first website I checked into told this story of a lady who had spotting. She was "freaking out" and went for her first ultrasound the following week. Turns out the spotting was just her body adjusting to her carrying TWINS. My appointment is next week.....coincidence....I hope so. =) The other new development I've noticed is the crying for no apparent reason. It's only happened twice now, but wow. It comes on out of nowhere and involves sobbing, Brian rubbing my head and trying not to laugh but unable to do so, and me saying (in between sobs) "This is ridiculous." Let's hope those little episodes only happen at home.

The Business of Being Born

I just finished watching this documentary called The Business of Being Born. Wow. I started off thinking that I really shouldn't watch this at this point, but ended feeling teary, more educated, and empowered. It basically is a discussion on home births and midwives and what they don't tell you about hospital births, including the drugs given and prevalence of c-sections and how those two things are correlated. Now, I have considered a home birth, but there are two major reasons why I won't. 1-My insurance doesn't cover it. 2-My house will be on the market when the baby is due and for some reason that seems a little weird having a baby in the house that you may need to show a few days later. So I'm sticking with the birthing rooms at St. Lukes. However, I do feel much more educated in what my rights are and what I do want out of a hospital birth. So I'll have to talk to my Dr. about that. My first appointment is not this coming Monday but the 22nd, and I see a nurse practitioner who will then direct me to the doctor that seems to "fit" me the best.

On another note, I looked at baby clothes at TJ Maxx today and was curious about something. A lot of the little onesie type things only had snaps between the legs. It seems to me like you would want snaps all up the front and around the legs so you don't have to try to shove little mushy baby head and arms through the collar and into the sleeves.   And the other thing I noticed is that a lot of those clothes are made of really yucky fabrics. Like, I wouldn't wear them. I would want soft cotton and I wouldn't really care if it said "Cupcake" or "Daddy's Girl" on it. Just an observation. The pregnancy learning curve is exponential apparently.