Warning...this topic is not for the faint of heart (and inappropriate for children).
So my friend Kate is going to be my doula. For those of you unfamiliar with a doula, it is someone who is there for the couple before, during, and after labor to help educate, comfort, and overall just make sure things are going smoothly. This person doesn't become completely wrapped up in the moment during the birth so is able to help the mom use different techniques to ease pain and discomfort, calm the soon-to-be-parents, and talk with hospital staff. And by the way, the word doula comes from the Greek "slave," so some are opposed to using the term, but I think it is funny. =)
Good doula that she is, Kate has given me some books to read. I started the first one last night. I was reading the chapter about labor and (if that chapter wasn't gross enough as it was) there in a box....not even a regular paragraph-a separate box on the page....was information on the topic of sex during labor. Oh my god. Just when I thought I was doing really well making it through the chapter without gagging, there it was. Now you know those moments where you know you should look away but you just can't make yourself? Well, I just had to read it because I just didn't think it could be real. So I get the science or biology of it, but for real?!?! And logistically?!?! I just don't get that. And how on earth could that even be CLOSE to what is on your mind at that point? Then I find out there is a whole movement (excuse the pun) called Orgasmic Birth. I don't know. Nothing about birth sounds orgasmic to me.
So of course I read this section to Brian as soon as he gets home from work (lucky him), and I can see the wheels spinning. Then come a few terribly inappropriate comments and gestures. It's good to be able to laugh about this stuff. Side note....I also decided to tell my mom about this phenomenon, and I think I scarred her for life. I told her she might not be able to be in the birthing room with us because Brian and I might need to have sex. I know, that was terrible and mean and gross, but the look on her face was priceless. =)
This is the first time I've heard of this labor technique, and all I can think is doesn't that sound sort of counter productive? A baby wants out, something else wants in...all I can envision is taking a already filled to the brim closet then throwing the last thing in and shutting the doors really fast before everything tumbles out on top of you. That grosses even me out, and I've heard my husband's tales of his view during my two c-sections. Blech.
ReplyDeleteThe section in my book that came after that was belly-dancing your way through labor. Can you picture that?!?! F*ing hilarious! I showed Brian some of my moves. I don't think he was impressed. =)I asked him to try it and he ignored me.
ReplyDeleteOrgasmic birth? There's something to tell the kid. "Mommy came, then so did you."
ReplyDeleteAnd what if you mistime the orgasm? Would you really want to start pushing again after that?
I don't like it.